When I was younger, I imagined myself
as this headcovering modest dressing Christian
having 6 kids with Spenser, driving our mini van.
Christ somehow descending with easy immigration
and we'd be Stateside.
HA. HHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. I'm
32 years old, no kids, and with chronic illness
and a husband with severe anxiety disorder. Not to mention
living in the Lindroos nut bin lol.
It has not been a good day. Yesterday I said
I feel it would be bad , it was.
1) Spenser has had lots of panic attacks.
2) I'm burned out with PMS and Mono.
3) The red car died. Hence a crappy
tacos day with Yente and I'm tired.
4) We have TONS of appointments I'd
rather keep (one I can't miss) and one car.
With a family that can't keep it's ass at the
house for more than a day at a time. HA.
5) Got insulted the entire way home by
Yente. Spenser thus having another panic attack.
6) Laundry rack falling me.
7) Dumping water all over my book/Bible on
the coffee table.
8) Pickle juice leaking all over the fridge.
9) Burning my grilled cheese twice because
Spenser had to talk on why Yente and I
don't have a better relationship.
10) If it wasn't for Pamprin...HA. I'd of
burned the f*cking house down and humped
I don't care he's 64, I'd ride it until it snapped
people. LOL :P
I don't seem much like a Christian. Newsflash,
most Christians are dealing with crap situations
and feel pretty crappy. 2% of Christians are like
Duggar holy roller folks.
This is me. I am myself and sometimes, that
includes not having an ounce of f*cking grace. I'm
tired, I'm exhausted, this year has f*cking sucked,
and that's okay to say.
Fake it 'til you make it doesn't count as a Christian.
I go to God with this steaming pile of shit called
my existence and my life, and talk about it with him.
I have set you for a tester and a fortress among
my people, that you may know and test their way.
- Jeremiah 6:27
I can't tell you how many times I get that
when I read the Bible. I wish it wasn't so, I
don't want to be a tester among the people.
The people can f*ck off...guess that's my
God ordained job. Shit fucks up for me
and God tests the reactions around me.
Some days I don't have grace, it's gone.
It's like a tornado has blown through everything
and left me ass up in the wreck of it all. Today
is one of those days.
Let us therefore come boldly
unto the throne of grace, that we may
obtain mercy, and find grace to
help in time of need. - Hebrews 4:16
God is always good, and I don't know why
he lets crap like today happen. It's not a biggie
for some people , but when you have burn out
anything is enough.
Talk to God, don't hold back. I cuss, let it rip. He
created me after all. When shit seems f*cked up
and you want to rip your hair out and scream,
fleeing a burning house upon the glorious crotch
of Stephen Lang...come talk to God.
But they that wait upon the LORD
shall renew [their] strength;
they shall mount up with wings as eagles;
they shall run, and not be weary;
[and] they shall walk, and not faint. - Isiaiah 40:31